Question by \: How do I deal with a problem gambler?
I live with my grandma, it’s just me and her in one house. We get by, but sometimes we require the aid of my parents who send money whenever they can. Just yesterday my dad sent $ 500 for us, some of that was required for me to get work clothes and a bus pass, so I can start my first job.

But, of course, I come back from orientation the day he sent it and find out that my grandma wasted it all. Every last dollar of the $ 500 is now gone, and I’m getting so sick of this bullshit. She goes to the slots whenever I’m not there and we have some money, usually she only goes until she spends $ 200 (Which is ridiculous) But I guess this time she thought “Well, my grandson really needs this so he can start working, but I still need to hit that sweet spot!”

I don’t know, sorry if I sounded insensitive but I’m half asking/venting here. What do I do? I can’t deal with this anymore, and this time it was serious, I may get fired my first day now. She spends the money and whenever I began talking about it she freaks out at me and gets all mad, then she starts to pin the blame on me. Apparently I should’ve watched out for her “signs” or something, I know I have to help her, but I’m only 16, I’m trying to make it by in school and with a job, it’s too much to deal with this. Help please?

Best answer:

Answer by beenthere
Noted that you are from Canada after looking at your profile.

www.problemgamblingguide/find_help_-_canada.html has numbers of places you can call for help.

I am a problem gambler in recovery so I know a little about your your grandmother. Please understand she is suffering from a disease not unlike alcoholism or drug addiction. Gambling affects the chemicals in the brain. They get out of whack and rational thinking goes out the window.

95% of female gamblers are escape gamblers. They gamble to escape problems or relieving a dysphoric mood e.g. feelings of hopelessness, guilt, anxiety,depression. They gamble to escape the death of someone close, caretaking responsibilities, and/or job stress ( need to relax or have the right to relax). The majority are closet gamblers. They hid the extent of their gambling from family and friends and can do this since they control the family finances. They suffer from feelings of isolation, and going crazy. They have no idea where to turn for help. They have tried repeatedly to control, cut back, or stop gambling. They are restless and irritable when they are trying to cut back or stop gambling. After losing money they will try to use more money to get even (chase their losses). As financial problems are caused by their gambling, they bet even more money in an effort to win. They will continue to bet until there is nothing left – in their purse, their ATM card, and credit card.

Your grandmother will continue to gamble until it is too painful for her to continue or she runs out of money.

You can try to get her into counseling and Gamblers Anonymous. You can attend Gam-Anon meetings and find out what you can do to battle what her disease does to you. They will also tell you ways to protect the family finances. That $ 500 was too much temptation for her. She was going to replace the money with her winnings. When she lost she used even more money to make the money back. But due to the odds she didn’t. Money sent to you may have to be in a form that she can not get cash from.

You are 16 so I will use an example you most likely encounter with your friends and classmates. Slots machines are alot like video games. Once you get playing them the pleasure and excitement brain chemicals go into overdrive. You want that initial rush or high you got so you keep going back. But it takes more and to get that feeling back. Then if you are trying to escape, you just want to go into la la land where you have no pressures or demands on you. You aren’t into the money you might win, you want the play time.

There may be a hotline to call on your grandmoter’s casino player’s card or the promotional material she gets from the casino.

What to do about the $ 500 she gambled away? It is gone. Accept that fact. Her reaction to your confronting about it is classic behavior for a problem gambler.

Call your parents and tell them what happened. Maybe they can send you some more money in form of a debit card or gift card. Or ask a friend of the family to help you out with getting the needed clothes and once you are working you will pay it back.

What do you think? Answer below!

 

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