Question by GetmeOUTofHERE: Looking into Al-Anon to keep me stronger, but friend said if I start it may strain the relationship (?)?
I always knew my boyfriend had a drinking problem. Everyone did. He doesn’t get slurred and stupid. He just gets mean and hurtful. if I’m around it will zone in on me… But after reading an article on being in a relationship with an alcoholic it legitimized what I had been feeling all along. I never doubted that he cared about me. I knew that. I would just get so confused and hurt when the other side would come out and be so hurtful. The article explained mouthy hurtfulness usually comes out on loved ones because they’re comfortable enough with them.
Thats when I started thinking about going to Al-Anon meetings. Mainly to keep me strong for when those moments come out.
I know I cant change him. (he has PTSD amongst other issues he’s going through). when I told my friend she said “if you go into this its going to be hard. you guys might not make it”
I didnt understand what she was saying. I don’t have any intentions to tell him.
Knowing this and going to meetings can only help, right?

He used to always tell me how no one stays.. he thought it was only inevitable that I too would leave him, but i dont want to.. I want to be there for him..
Thoughts, advice?

Best answer:

Answer by MegM
Yes, it can help. You can contact Al-Anon via the internet or just visit a meeting. Before the meeting, tell another person that this is your first time, and you’d just like to sit and listen. They’ll instruct you further.

It’s a very safe environment.

Best wishes.

Answer by Helen W.
Some people go to Al-Anon and love it, but others go and find that it is not at all helpful. The only way to really know is to give it a try.

What most people who have not been exposed to 12 step programs such as AA or Al-Anon don’t understand is that they are based on the philosophy that the individual member is “powerless” over something: alcohol, drugs, sex, food, gambling…or, in the case of the “anon” groups, an alcoholic, a sex addict, a food addict, or a gambler. Since the individual member is “powerless”, the power to deal with the addiction or the addict must therefore come from an outside source, which is specifically referred to in the 12 steps as “God”.

In the case of Al-Anon, the group philosophy is that by being in a relationship with an alcoholic, you have a “disease”, over which you are “powerless”, and you require the power of God to heal you. That is what the Al-Anon program is about: it is not as much about helping you deal with the alcoholic as it is about dealing with your so-called “disease”. Again, there are people who find this formulation useful. Others, including me, find it bizarre.

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