Question by Me: How do I get my parents to see how unfair they are?
I am 19 years old and about to start community college. I was “awarded” enough money in loans to cover my tuition and a portion of my books. My parents have offered me no support. Any time I mention school or money or vent about how I’m stressed I am, saying “I don’t know how I’m going to do this.” They just say, “Better figure it out.”
My brother went to the school of his choice (state school). He was offered a full ride at a different school but turned it down. My parents paid for his tuition, books and room and board. He did take out loans but they paid for what was left. He screwed around that year and failed his classes, and lost his financial aid. My parents took out all the loans they could and gave him a ton of money so he could continue going to school. He worked then a little and he works now a little, but I know he doesn’t pay for anything. My dad takes care of everything for him. My brother lives in a duplex owned by my Dad, rent free, so he can continue going to school there. Me, my mom and my dad live 4 hours away. My parents pay for his books, my dad bought him an ipad (because it helps him do better in school, he says) and they pay for his car, insurance and give him gas money.

So I’m going to community college, living at home, and working nights and my parents refuse to help. When I talk to my mom about the help they gave my brother, she tells me it wasn’t her, it was my dad, except I know she was writing him checks and giving him money when he came home. My dad and I aren’t on speaking terms (because he gives my brother everything and does NOTHING for me, including taking away my transportation to work and continuously kicking me out of the house) so it’s not really like I can expect any help from him. Their reason for not helping is that they have no money. My dad purposely got fired from his office job because he didn’t want to work anymore and wanted to collect disability (even though he’s still able to do renovation work around the house) Fafsa was based on the money earned last year, when he still had a job. However, about three weeks before school starts, I hear something outside. It’s a motorcycle my Dad just bought for himself. We’re in serious debt, I can’t afford school, living on single income, and he buys a motorcycle. My Mom is no better. Some days she tells me she’ll try to help, other days she says I’m on my own. Why is it so iffy? Because she’s a gambling addict and would rather blow money at the casino or on scratch offs. I mean WTF kind of parents do I have? I thought it was bad enough that in my entire 19 years of life they never thought to put a little money aside for me for college, like many parents do, but now I find out that they’d rather spend unnecessary money on themselves than help me with college. I don‘t even know what to say to them, or how they can live with themselves. How can they say, “We don’t have the money to help you,” then get on a motorcycle or go to gamble? Every time I bring it up, they blow me off.

A lot of this was just me venting, but I really do want to know how I can give my parents a wakeup call. What the funk do I have to do to make them see everything that is wrong with this situation? Or am I the one that’s wrong? Should I not feel a bit like I’m owed SOME help?

Best answer:

Answer by JaclynnC
feel better?

Answer by pickledpineapplepeppers
Chances are, you’re not going to be able to show them what is wrong with the situation because they sound like the type of parents who are “we’re the parents so we know everything”. Instead of getting upset and frustrated over their obvious lack of any support, do it on your own. Show them that you’re able to do it by yourself, make something of yourself, and don’t complain about anything to them at all.
You’ll be able to find a way to pay for what is left that needs paying, just make sure you work your ass off. They may not be giving you the money or help because they think that you’re capable and your brother isn’t.
They may just be acting like dicks because that’s how they feel.
Either way, stop relying on them because that’s not going to get you anywhere.

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